Will they be ready for Kindergarten?
By Jami West
AT YOU'RE INVITED CHILDREN'S CENTER (SEE LINK) WE DO NOT SPEND OUR TIME WITH THE CHILDREN MAKING SURE THEY KNOW LETTERS AND NUMBERS OR THAT THEY KNOW HOW TO WRITE THEIR NAME, OR IDENTIFY COLORS. WE KNOW THAT THESE THINGS WILL COME. HOW DO WE KNOW?
BECAUSE OUR ENVIRONMENT IS SET UP TO PROVIDE MORE THAN ENOUGH OPPORTUNITIES FOR WRITING, READING, COUNTING, FIGURING THINGS OUT, MUSIC, BECOMING FAMILIAR WITH PRINT, SEQUENCING AND MORE. WHEN THE CHILD IS READY IT IS THERE FOR THEM TO ENGAGE AND EXPERIENCE
.
WHAT WE DO, ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, IS HELP GET THEM READY TO BE SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE. HOW DO WE DO THAT?
BY LOVING THEM TRULY AND UNCONDITIONALLY
BY KNOWING THEM AND RESPECTING THEM
BY ENCOURAGING THEM TO TAKE RISKS
ALLOWING THEM TO DIRECT THEIR OWN LEARNING AND OFFERING ACTIVITIES WHERE THE END RESULT IS NOT DETERMINED BY ANYONE BUT THEM. BY GIVING THEM FREEDOM TO BE WHO THEY ARE
BY OFFERING LARGE AMOUNTS OF FREE TIME, AND BY KNOWING THAT, DEVELOPMENTALLY, EACH AND EVERY CHILD IS EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Monday, May 11, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
"Say Im sorry"
Hello friends, sorry I have neglected this blog, I am knee deep in writing my Masters thesis but have been thinking about this hot topic (especially since my last Challenging Behaviors workshop) so I will just give some bullet points for thought:
1. Young children have not developed empathy yet,
2. Young children are not able to see things from other children's or adults points of view (remember, egocentric)
3. When we help young children label emotions (particularly if their behaviors caused the emotions) we help them to develop these skills
4. When children are forced to say "Im sorry" it is difficult for the child to trust that adult really knows them
5. When a child is told to say "Im sorry" they are being told to be insincere and that these empty words are the easy fix.
- how many of us know children who automatically say either "Im sorry, Im sorry" or "I'll say Im sorry" when an adult has caught them offending another child?
6. When we force children to say "Im sorry" we are forcing children to LIE!
7. Children learn empathy by seeing empathy. It is okay for the adult to say sorry to the offended child
8. It is necessary to bring the child to the hurt child and label the emotions and make the connection that his/her behaviors led to that emotion
9. Provide natural, immediate & logical consequences for the child that offended ("I can not let you play with your friends, sister, brother, etc because you hurt him/her" an older child can be told that it is your job to make sure they are all safe)
10. An older child can begin to be given the option to say "Im sorry" not as an easy fix but as a means to help the other child feel better. This is an option to begin to help the child understand social rules, not exhibiting our power over them.
Id love for this to start a discussion, so let's hear what you think!!!
1. Young children have not developed empathy yet,
2. Young children are not able to see things from other children's or adults points of view (remember, egocentric)
3. When we help young children label emotions (particularly if their behaviors caused the emotions) we help them to develop these skills
4. When children are forced to say "Im sorry" it is difficult for the child to trust that adult really knows them
5. When a child is told to say "Im sorry" they are being told to be insincere and that these empty words are the easy fix.
- how many of us know children who automatically say either "Im sorry, Im sorry" or "I'll say Im sorry" when an adult has caught them offending another child?
6. When we force children to say "Im sorry" we are forcing children to LIE!
7. Children learn empathy by seeing empathy. It is okay for the adult to say sorry to the offended child
8. It is necessary to bring the child to the hurt child and label the emotions and make the connection that his/her behaviors led to that emotion
9. Provide natural, immediate & logical consequences for the child that offended ("I can not let you play with your friends, sister, brother, etc because you hurt him/her" an older child can be told that it is your job to make sure they are all safe)
10. An older child can begin to be given the option to say "Im sorry" not as an easy fix but as a means to help the other child feel better. This is an option to begin to help the child understand social rules, not exhibiting our power over them.
Id love for this to start a discussion, so let's hear what you think!!!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
“you need to share!”
Lets talk about "sharing" - I think this is one of the BIGGEST issues for children, no actually its a big issue for grown ups! Parents often shudder when they see their child not willing to give up their toy to another child, most times this comes from a valid concern that their child be caring and compassionate. It is important that we encourage the development of compassionate, giving children but perhaps a common response to this issue is doing more damage than good. Let us begin the discussion:
-Young children are at the developmental stage of being egocentric. They are only capable of thinking of their own needs and their own desires. It isn’t until 7 -8 years that children began to see the world from someone else’s perspective.
When adults expect/demand a child to share it is developmentally inappropriate and an unrealistic expectation. Children are negatively affected when they are consistently expected/demanded to do something they are unable to do.
Children will learn to “share” when they are allowed to complete their experience (have their beginning, middle and end). When they can trust they are going to be given the opportunity to meet their own needs. When children have completed their task they are willing to allow other children to use the materials. When adults do not allow the child to get the whole experience or complete the task, we are teaching the child not to trust the adult and really pushes the child towards not being able to let anyone else us the object. Think about what happens when a child is engaged with an object and another child comes up and wants the object. Often the adult response is “friend, you need to share” or “you’ve had it long enough” and forces the child to give it to the friend. Do you see how this actually encourages the child to hold even tighter to the object and be more wary when a child approaches them to play. Also, the child becomes more concerned about losing the object then even playing with it.
So, what to do:
Taking turns – I tell a child “when you are done with that it will be Amy’s turn okay, when you are done give it to Amy” I also encourage him to tell Amy “Amy when I’m done it’s your turn.” It really works! The child with the object is learning that he is being respected and he can trust his needs will be meet. Amy sees the other child is being given as much time as needed and knows she will get the same opportunity when it is her turn. I am also intentional about following through when I see that he is finished, to remind him when he said Amy could have it when he is done and ask him if he wants to give it to Amy now.
We are charged to develop in our children healthy relationships that consist of trust and respect and help them begin to develop the desire to meet others needs. My desire is that each child knows they can trust us, that we really know and respect them and will do everything in our power to make sure their needs are met.
Any thoughts, comments, questions?
-Young children are at the developmental stage of being egocentric. They are only capable of thinking of their own needs and their own desires. It isn’t until 7 -8 years that children began to see the world from someone else’s perspective.
When adults expect/demand a child to share it is developmentally inappropriate and an unrealistic expectation. Children are negatively affected when they are consistently expected/demanded to do something they are unable to do.
Children will learn to “share” when they are allowed to complete their experience (have their beginning, middle and end). When they can trust they are going to be given the opportunity to meet their own needs. When children have completed their task they are willing to allow other children to use the materials. When adults do not allow the child to get the whole experience or complete the task, we are teaching the child not to trust the adult and really pushes the child towards not being able to let anyone else us the object. Think about what happens when a child is engaged with an object and another child comes up and wants the object. Often the adult response is “friend, you need to share” or “you’ve had it long enough” and forces the child to give it to the friend. Do you see how this actually encourages the child to hold even tighter to the object and be more wary when a child approaches them to play. Also, the child becomes more concerned about losing the object then even playing with it.
So, what to do:
Taking turns – I tell a child “when you are done with that it will be Amy’s turn okay, when you are done give it to Amy” I also encourage him to tell Amy “Amy when I’m done it’s your turn.” It really works! The child with the object is learning that he is being respected and he can trust his needs will be meet. Amy sees the other child is being given as much time as needed and knows she will get the same opportunity when it is her turn. I am also intentional about following through when I see that he is finished, to remind him when he said Amy could have it when he is done and ask him if he wants to give it to Amy now.
We are charged to develop in our children healthy relationships that consist of trust and respect and help them begin to develop the desire to meet others needs. My desire is that each child knows they can trust us, that we really know and respect them and will do everything in our power to make sure their needs are met.
Any thoughts, comments, questions?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
You are your child's best advocate!
I was blessed by Bev Bos's message I today. If you are not familiar with her name, I encourage you to read any of her books.
For the past several years I have encouraged parents to be their child (ren)'s advocate, telling them how special and unique their child is and how it is our job to encourage and develop them as special and unique individuals. Unfortunately our society (public schools) is most often providing environments where children are being taught in a "one size fits all" style of teaching and curriculum. I believe most teachers want to provide for individual learning styles and personalities but the requirements of the job do not make this so possible.
My son's Patric's school years experience, elementary and now in high school has been an ongoing struggle to help teachers appreciate who he is was and is, an energetic, super friendly, always happy, talkative, hard to keep focused, needing extra help kinda kid.
Bev's message shared a quote by Docia Zavitkovsky, some of you might remember Docia as a past President of the National Association for the Education of Young Children. She coined the line, “our job is not to get children ready for school, but to get schools ready for children.” I was so tickled when I read this because it is so similar to the truth I share over and over with parents and told myself (and many teachers) over over again in my sons life.
"it is not your child's job to change for the teacher, it is the teachers job to change for the child"
I encourage all parents - be your child's advocate. We certainly provide our children with clear, healthy and consistent boundaries with love AND nurture, develop and encourage the wonderful unique human being that your child is!
To Ms. Zavitkovsky and Bev Bos, thank you for sharing your wisdom
PS - I haven't forgotten about sharing and Im sorry!
For the past several years I have encouraged parents to be their child (ren)'s advocate, telling them how special and unique their child is and how it is our job to encourage and develop them as special and unique individuals. Unfortunately our society (public schools) is most often providing environments where children are being taught in a "one size fits all" style of teaching and curriculum. I believe most teachers want to provide for individual learning styles and personalities but the requirements of the job do not make this so possible.
My son's Patric's school years experience, elementary and now in high school has been an ongoing struggle to help teachers appreciate who he is was and is, an energetic, super friendly, always happy, talkative, hard to keep focused, needing extra help kinda kid.
Bev's message shared a quote by Docia Zavitkovsky, some of you might remember Docia as a past President of the National Association for the Education of Young Children. She coined the line, “our job is not to get children ready for school, but to get schools ready for children.” I was so tickled when I read this because it is so similar to the truth I share over and over with parents and told myself (and many teachers) over over again in my sons life.
"it is not your child's job to change for the teacher, it is the teachers job to change for the child"
I encourage all parents - be your child's advocate. We certainly provide our children with clear, healthy and consistent boundaries with love AND nurture, develop and encourage the wonderful unique human being that your child is!
To Ms. Zavitkovsky and Bev Bos, thank you for sharing your wisdom
PS - I haven't forgotten about sharing and Im sorry!
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